Monday, December 01, 2008

Ring Go the Bells

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I usually don't do the "op-ed" thing on my blog, but today I will make an exception. I know that every year the "Christmas has become so commercial" discussion happens, it's been going on for as long as I can remember. I usually don't participate in those discussions, I mean, what's the point?

There's a commercial for Walmart this year that is giving me nightmares. I can't get the damn bells out of my head. It's the commercial where there's an empty Walmart that's opening up for the day. When the checkout lights start coming on, they sync with the Christmas carol that's ringing. It's horrible. "Ring go the Bells...ding go the bells....blah blah blah..."

Imagine a world where Walmart check stand lights play Christmas music. In an empty Walmart. The cashiers are all robots. I'm standing in the Walmart in my pajamas. The other customers start flowing in. They're all aliens (grays to be specific). I can't find the bathroom. All of a sudden Natalie Portman shows up as the Virgin Mary and gives birth to the baby Jesus in the camping gear department display tent. There was no room at the nearby Days Inn. The three wise men stop by on their way from the electronics section with a GameBoy, a flat screen TV, and a iPhone with a free month of Internet service. The little drummer boy comes with that new gadget that plays music when you wave it around in the air (can't remember the name of it right now). The shift managers are standing in for the animals because after all, this is Walmart and live animals are not allowed in the store (but didn't Walmart used to sell hamsters? Maybe they still do...). Then, seemingly out of nowhere, "Silent Night" starts blaring. It's the ringtone for the iPhone.

::::cringe shudder::::

1 comment:

Kel said...

cringe & shudder indeed - what led the wisemen there - one of those flashing blue light sales that Kmart used to have?